Sephora, how could you do this to me!

Yesterday my world shattered. Literally. Well, not literally, but it felt like it.

For the last 7 years I have been using Sephora: hydrating & smoothing foundation. It was perfect. Everything I was looking for in a makeup plus extras (SPF, oil-free).

My last purchase I believe was at the beginning of 2011, end of 2010 and something in me told me to buy 6 bottles. I opened up and used my last bottle on Friday and decided that I would go to Sephora on Saturday to stock up again.

And guess what? They no longer make the product! Ahhhhh. Not a good time for this! The only makeup I trust and depend on is gone. What do I do?! Are there any equivalents. I just don't want to think about it. I hate when I fall in love with brands, their products and then they up and leave. And I'm left alone. Confused. And not sure what to do. Sigh. I guess it happens.

Another visit, come and gone

Roshan came a few weekends back. And Arti came last weekend. My weekdays go to work but my weekends have been flying by too! I can't believe we're already in June. It's insane. I feel like I just got this job. That's a good thing I guess, everything is still going well.

I've started a scrapbook of Roshan and I. It was the easiest theme to do since there aren't 100's of pics and memories. I have a page or two from each visit we've had so far and a couple of other things. We can look back on all of this when we are oldies!

Here are some pics from his last visit. And my new haircut. Which I hate.

Simple pleasures

I was rereading all my past posts and damn, I sound like the same emotional teen, angst ridden, drama queen I've always been. Ha! I guess it's true, I haven't changed a bit from 8th grade : / Oh well!

Anyways, all has been good here. I've been working on some projects that have kept me extremely busy along with work, but right now they are all open circles. It can't be helped because of the nature of what it is but I'm hoping to materialize some soon!

I miss Arti. I wish she weren't so far away... Esha is here though. Sitting next to me. Coloring. I enjoy coloring with her. It's quite relaxing. I guess I'll get back to what is important - staying inside the lines.

"We want the best for you"

We always want the best for those we love. But, what we don't realize is that while we push for the best we are destroying their now, their happiness... and in many cases their best.

The conflicted ramblings of me

"You can either go (emotionally) broke running around trying to please everyone, or you can spend your time creating, living and being AUTHENTIC" - From a blog posting by Jenny Blake

Patience

Patience and Understanding. Something I wish more for every single day. There just isn't enough. Whether it's with myself, people in my life, situations I put myself in or what life has given me - god, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

And if all else fails - don't worry, be happy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIM3GHvBQjY.

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

...I hope you dance.

Before I left for Mason, my mom printed these lyrics out, signed it Love, Mom, and gave them to me. I carried them with me throughout my 4 years in school. The same message I kept in my heart thereafter. The words are simple, beautiful, humbling.

Then that day came, when he asked me to dance. And without knowing what it would mean then, I said yes. The song couldn't have been any truer.

In every moment I want it and even when I need to hear it, it is all in this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw&ob=av2e.

I need to know so I can bring you back

I don't think you can do it

Yeah, those words kind of suck! But I know I am already doing it. And everything is going to be okay.

I miss Arti. The emails, texts, and occassional calls are cool but I want my buddy back! It was nice being able to walk down the hall and say, hey what are you doing let's go to the mall or can you come here with me or go there. Having someone to run errands or even do nothing with makes everything fun. There is so much Esha can do. I tote her along some places but she talks too much. Haha. And has her own random agenda. It's hilarious, she's always like - follow me, Shradha ben, follow me. When I ask her where we're going she doesn't know. She'll say things like to the fruit. Or to the flowers. I love her. That silly little girl.

I haven't talked to Kishan in ages. And when we do talk, he doesn't say much. Such a quiet boy. Like any normal sister, I want to know what he's thinking and feeling so I can be there for him. Is he stressed with the heavy load of classes. Does he have a lot of friends. Does he like them. Does he have a crush on a girl. Haha. C'mon Kishan, talk to meeeee. Tell me!!!

Work is going good. I've been there for about a month. I'm getting the hang of things, slowly but surely (every person you work for has certain working styles and its annoying to figure out, lol), and am enjoying it for the most part. It's actually wonderful having a job where you don't wake up in the morning and wish you were dead.

Oh yeah and the count down begins for my trip! I'm booked and ready to goooo. Well, sort of ready to go. All I need now are some new tops. Something nice and fresh. And pretty. I also need to get my eyebrows done because they look like wildfires... I also need to up my visits to the gym. Okay, then I'll be ready. Unless I think of something else. Blah.

To know the difference

I found myself confronted with the bad wolf and good wolf again. An argument that I wasn't going to win. I wasn't wrong. And she wasn't wrong either. It was one of those situations where you take a deep breath, know that it's coming, and have those good qualities ready -patience, listening, understanding. No matter how frustrated you are.

I want to try and choose to be the bigger person from now on. I am only hurting myself when I drown in all that makes me feel bad. I know I still need to control my temper. I just get so frustrated when I get blamed, accused, or spoken for when its not true. But you've heard me say that I am justified by the way I feel, so that is true for the other person as well - rational or not.

If you hold no hurt, pain, and just let things be sometimes, accept we're all humans and make mistakes countless times - we will suffer less and love more. If we accept that we have entire lives that no one person knows completely, that we share fragments of, but think we know wholly - we will judge less and be there more. If we accept that we are family or good friends, and that there is an unspoken relationship that threads through our each day, knowing that each of us is trying (sometimes forgets), but there is more to it then what meets the eye - we will demand less and let us each be.

"Saying sorry doesn't mean you're wrong and the other person is right, it means you value the relationship more than your ego."

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy. This is probably very true for people in general but women especially. We are wired differently. Thoughts, ideas, situations, conversations, actions, words, doubts... actually ANYTHING can cross our minds and we latch on to it. Some of it comes with history and some of it is new. It can come from anyone - partners, friends, family, strangers and it all leads to danger. It has the power to destroy happy or good thoughts. In me, the bad wolf always wins. At first...

I dwell on things until the rest of everything else falls apart. I hate that I over think, over analyze, and over conclude. I know most of it is in my head, but if I feel it then it's justified. Right? When I start to really think, I realize I am only hurting myself. At what expense? Then I feed the good wolf. And life is good again.

Always feed the good wolf. If you feed it first, you won't need to feed two wolves.

A Native American story...

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Just another one of those days

Actually, it's been a few of those days. A lot on my mind. I'll be okay after a good cry. I always am. God, such a girl. Lol.

Esha just runs into the room with her sunshiny mood and high pitched happiness voice! And for a moment the world is good again. It's always been good, I guess, but she reminds me of it.

I think I'll still wait for that good cry, too :)

Love story

Love Story - Beethoven
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJzQPuelBBU&feature=related

As soon as I heard this I wanted to share it with Shazia. She loved instrumental pieces. Especially the sounds of the piano and violin.

This is such a beautiful piece. Every time I hear it I melt into the music. It's on repeat for now :)

Attempt to be crafty project #1

I saw this project on a blog while I was 'stumbling' and wanted to try it out for Arti and I: Watermark Tee by Sweet Verbana. Here is the original link just in case you want it: http://www.u-createcrafts.com/2011/08/creative-guest-watermark-tee-by-sweet.html

Project: Create your own tee with your favorite quote, song lyrics, sayings, etc. It looked easy, fun, and cute!

Step 1: gathered all the supplies i needed.

-white 100% cotton tees from walmart - they were only $4.99

-rit dye tinte (fabric dye) from michaels -i wanted rose pink and gray

-elmer's blue gel glue

-water resistant board

-bucket to dye

Step 2: preparation

- run the t-shirt in the sink under cold water and then wring all excess water out

-have water resistant board ready to put inside of shirt

-and bucket for dying when ready

Step 3: the art

- stretch shirt across a water resistant board before you start writing on wet t-shirt

- i used a storage tub lid, it worked perfectly

- write or draw whatever you want on the t-shirt

- arti wanted lyrics from "colors of the wind"; i'm going to use the lyrics from "good life"

Step 4: drying and dying

- wait until the glue is completely dry!

-then get a bucket of cold water and put dye according to how dark you want the shirt

-be careful, you don't want to get dye on carpet or other fabrics

- wring excess water and hang to dry (in shower)

Step 5: original and you

-enjoy your shirt!

This was so easy to do. And I loved how it turned out. Can't wait to start mineeee!!! Hmmm, this could be a great gift. Thoughtful and fun :)

Friday the thirteenth

I want to rewind last weekend all over again. I miss Roshan. I keep going through the pictures over and over again as if I might find myself there. Ahh!

A farmer with a Ferrari

The boyfriend meets the family. The family likes the boyfriend. The boyfriend likes the family. The girlfriend is happy. Life is good.

My weekend with Roshan was wonderful. Everything went well with the family AND I got to spend a lot of time with him as well. He fell in love with the family and I fell in even more love with him.

And of course I bought him two plaid shirts that he looks so good in! He was laughing hysterically when he put them on. He thought he looked ridiculous... I know they weren't his style but "Mm, Mm, Mmmm!". He joked and said that the boyfriend changing process has begun. So not true. Well, so not entirely true ;) Haha. Roshan said he would try and wear them for me. In all fairness, I said that I would wear any two things he wanted me to as even trade. Shouldn't have said that because who knows what I've gotten myself into now!

Everything was as perfect as it could be. He loved everything. Thanks, Mom!

He flew back home yesterday. I can't wait to see him again.

He says to me, "I'll be whatever you want me to be, baby, a farmer with a Ferrari."

Just a day dream

It's funny how things change and what you start thinking about when you find the person you want to be with and you actually know that it's going to work out and be something wonderful. I went from day dreaming about finding the right guy for me to now thinking about weddings! I'm so embarrassed to admit this... Oh well, haha.

I never wanted a big wedding (I still don't). I actually never really thought about the details of it until now. I just knew that I wanted it to be something like the Richard Gere and Julia Roberts wedding at the end of Runaway Bride. I would love to have it outside in the fall if the weather is nice. A small close family and friends type ceremony in the morning.

Elegant

Simple

Natural

And at night, the reception or dinner - an evening in the forest.

Intimate

Enchanting

Warm

These are just some random ideas I had running through my head. And of course I need Roshan's input and our families too. But all Roshan really cares about are the pictures. Haha. A girl can dream :)

I'm a bitch

This song pretty much says it all. In one of those moods. Letting it pass through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhfiiGGy7Ls

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

[Chorus:]

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

[Chorus]

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

[Chorus]

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Hose water

Remember the days when you were a child. Running through the sprinkler on hot summer days, asking for a dollar for the ice cream truck, and rolling around in the grass claiming the earth as she hugged you. After hours of playing in the dirt and sun, our parents would hose us down and we would drink the beautiful water as it sparkled in the sun. What happened to that water?

Over the years, we were told that the same water we used to drink out of the tap and hose was no longer clean. Was that true? Is that true? No. In fact, we have some of the cleanest drinking tap water in the world. The water bottle industry spent millions of dollars in advertising campaigns to convince us otherwise. They told us that bottled water was cleaner. That it tasted better.

The truth is plastic bottles can make us sick and kill the earth. Plastic when exposed to certain temperatures releases potentially harmful chemicals. Also, plastic bottles pile up as mountains of waste. Of course you can recycle but the energy and supplies it takes to make these bottles is unnecessary. I can see the need for plastic water being used in countries with filthy water. But here in the states? Ridiculous!

I've been looking for some nice glass water bottles for awhile now. Some of my favorite designs are from companies such as Voss, KOR, and just recently I came across Faucet Face. I fell in love with one of their bottles. The price at first seemed a little high but with the money I would be saving from using a glass bottle (estimated $334 a year), the environment I would helping, and the small percentage that goes to charity, I thought it was worth it.

I encourage you to stop buying plastic bottles and invest in a glass bottle that you will enjoy carrying around and drinking out of! I know I have :)

The next time we're working or playing outside on a lovely hot summer day and thirst creeps up on us, I'll just turn on the hose and we can enjoy a quick yummy, cool stream of hose water.

Faucet Face: http://faucetface.com/

One of the three bottle designs available.

A few of my favorite things #2

ELEPHANTS

(favorite animal)

THE BEACH

(Ocean City)

HIKING

(Sky Meadows State Park)

SUMMER NIGHTS

(Brad Paisley concert)

I'd lie

It would be a lie if I said it didn't hurt a little. But I didn't want to make him feel bad. And I feel silly for being hurt by such a trivial thing - my birthday. Men everywhere forget their significant other's birthday. So it's nothing. Right? Men. Forget. Birthdays. Anniversaries. And sometimes even that they are married... Quite frankly, women aren't perfect either. And forget such things as well.

The funny thing is if it were anyone else, it wouldn't have bothered me. I guess like most girls I'm a sucker for romance. But to get caught up in what he didn't remember or do or what have you is just a recipe for disaster. Especially, if I'm not going to tell him I was hurt. I know I am lucky to have him in my life. And to hold onto something so small is petty and ridiculous. He is funny, handsome, and sweet. Kind. Loving. Caring. Honest. Loyal. And true. What more can a girl ask for.

If he said he was sorry again, I would still say it's okay.
If he asked if I was upset again, I wouldn't lie this time. I'd say I'm not <3

Happy birthday to me!

According to Esha, today is my sixteenth birthday. Awesome! Let's see where I would be... Hmmm... High school friends. Care-free life. Teen angst. Puppy love. Crazy crushes. Double life. Rebelling. Self discovery. Flying high. Getting by. Nightly cries. Erratic. Unstable. Emotional.

Actually, no thank you. I'm quite content at twenty seven!

A few of my favorite things #1

I've been so cranky and moody lately. More than usual. I thought I'd take a couple of minutes to write down a few things that make me happy.

ENDLESS BLUE SKIES; DRIVING - WINDOWS DOWN AND THE MUSIC UP

(North Carolina to Virginia)

HOLDING HANDS

ARTI

BASKIN ROBBINS: PINK BUBBLE GUM ICE CREAM. MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP MILKSHAKES

Mom

Mummy is amazing. Where she gets the patience and kindness to handle all that comes her way baffles me. It has to be something inside of her because I lose it fairly quickly I feel.

With all that she is juggling (mostly alone) with family, work, and life humbles me. I am in awe. If I could be even half the woman she is inside and out would make me but more so everyone around me extremely lucky to have her.

As mother and child, I can be very moody and difficult, but she never fails to be a listening ear or a comforting hand. Even when its the most ridiculous thing ever!

Today, the way she took care of my little cousin Esha brought me to tears. I love love love my mommy. Esha has a hard time going to the bathroom - number two. She says it hurts but I think there are several factors that makes her hold it until it hurts. And then she still won't go! Mummy gently coaxed her and explained to her sweetly what she was feeling and how we were going to fix it. And then she worked her mommy magic while Esha cried.

Esha did feel better after awhile and thanked mummy for making her feel better. How she does things without flinching and at ease is incredible. I think I would have panicked! What to dooooo?! Would I have been so gentle? Or patient? I wouldn't have known what I was doing. But maybe now, having seen mummy do it, I too, will be ready when the time comes. I will always look up to my mom <3